This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
