So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
