I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
