Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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