I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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