dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
