remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
