Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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