The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Your penis caused this!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
