The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
