remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
