i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
