Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
