New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
