I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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