Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
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This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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