so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You are the jesus of drinking
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
