apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
