my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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