ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
