how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
