What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
