Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
