I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
