We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
