Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
