omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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