The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
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He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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