yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
