my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
