marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
