he shaved USA in his pubs
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
