med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
