I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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