1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
