Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
