You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
