Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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