The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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