Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
