i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
