I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
