I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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