Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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