i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
