I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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