oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
