in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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