If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
