i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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