I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
