Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
