so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
