Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
