Your dad touched me again.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
