dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's just like the Real World with babies
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
