I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
