Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
