I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
