Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
