she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
