i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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