when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
