I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
