you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
