And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
