my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
