I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
